My Apple Genius

I’m going to marry Liam, my Apple Genius.

Shhh…he doesn’t know it yet. I could tell he was impressed when I referred to my computer as “my machine.” I was going to marry Jared, my first Genius, but I dropped him when he couldn’t solve my keychain authentication problem. The Apple Store guy sent me upstairs to the next level of Genius where I met Liam.

Upstairs two Geniuses checked out my frozen screen. Puzzled, they waved over Liam, clearly The Man. He glided over and like a ninja deleted a bunch of .dlls without even flinching.  My heart went ping! I nodded proudly when one of the other Geniuses said, “Man, that’s what you do.” Thank goodness those guys dispersed, and Liam and I had a few minutes alone to reset my passwords (had to go to the Notes section of my Sierra Club calendar to look them up).

“I have so many passwords that I can’t remember them all,” I said. Liam smiled knowingly. We have so much in common. My fingers flew over the keyboard with dazzling speed and only a few typos.

We shared a good laugh when I told him that in the good ole days we called computer bugs “undocumented features.” Features, ha!  Not wanting to wreck the moment I didn’t say anything, but I had a feeling the reason for my visit to the Apple Store had something to do with a feature. Anyway, this exchange firmly established us as one in the tech world.

Enough shop talk. Did I mention that there’s a bit of an age difference between us? I’m 60 and thinking Liam is 20-something, maybe even 30. Is there a problem?  Look at Georgia O’Keeffe. Or Susan Sarandon. Or Catherine the Great. I could go on and on. I’ve already figured out what I’m going to say to his mother. Age doesn’t matter. We connect on a level outside time and space…well, at least time. Plus, I can pay off his student loans.

“You’re nothing but a Cougar!” she’ll shout.

“Yes, but don’t you see? It was meant to be. Cougar was the name of an Apple operating system.” Or some animal like a cougar.

Flash forward to our wedding. Something old (me), something new (signature wedding cocktail with Jeppson’s Malört), something borrowed (bubble-making machine), something blue (Bluetooth). Oh the fun we’ll have! Who knows, maybe company execs will fly in for a marketing opp. Post wedding plan: We’ll summer in Wisconsin and run a hacking camp.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” That sly dog. Gotta think of something fast!

“Uh, how do I get the photos from my phone on to my computer?” Bad move. Most of my photos are shots of the sidewalk. But maybe he won’t actually see them. Fingers crossed.

Blah, blah, blah…something about syncing. My attention is drawn across the room.

There’s a gaggle of Geniuses, including Jared, looking over at us smirking.  Hmmm.  It’s nothing short of professional jealousy. Maybe I need to have a word with the manager: “Looks like that jolly band of Geniuses doesn’t have anything to do.” No, be cool. If this were a movie, the background music would be Bonnie Raitt singing “Something to Talk About.”

 Ding. A text from my husband. “At Hot Tix. Do u want to go to matinée of Jersey Boys?” Jeez.

“Liam, listen to me…I’ll be back for you!”

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